I've been in Florida for four months and I haven't gone to the beach.
I am not a beach person.
I can't deal with sand and all the parts of my body it likes to invade.
I think "personal space" when I go to the beach.
The beach invades my personal space and the desire to go to the beach leaves me.
Beaches just feel lonely or something.
Like when I watch good looking couples holding hands or little kids building sand castles I think "I am fucked, I am going to die alone" I have never built a sand castle, have never known what it's like to watch something I built be torn down by waves or destroyed by a bro trying to catch a frisbee.
I also think "boobs" when I go to the beach.
I think about bodies.
So many good looking bodies.
Male and female.
I am not comfortable with my body at the beach.
I hide my head underneath the sand, crabs pick at my eyeballs, my eyes water but I am not crying.
I sometimes think "sun shine" when I think of the beach.
My favorite weather is cloudy gray skies, when it might rain in New York but it doesn't so you decide not to wear a jacket and the wind blows and you feel cold but free.
It's always cold and free, not warm and free.
It is warm and I am feeling an immense weight in my chest,