Wednesday, March 28, 2012


I am seeking human validation through words I write.

Like me now.

I want to be a robot with an emotion knob. That way I could
choose when I want to be in 'existential despair'

There would be a self destruct switch and I would constantly
feel the impulse to use it

I am looking in the mirror and grinning. I can't help but not like my

I've been told my eyes are beautiful. I hate the brownness of them.

My eyes just seem needy to me.

Feels like my heart is codependent.

Sometime's it feels like my heart is thinking and it depresses me.
Nobody cares that you feel neglected.

Sometimes I feel the urge to buy a sandwhich from subways but then I think
its too complicated so I order chineese food instead and feel bad about
not eating healthy.

I also feel bad when I smoke cigarettes and drink soda.

It feels like I will have cancer soon, like I get really worried and google things and
feel like shit.

I hope that if I do end up dying miserable and alone it happens before I am thirty because
I don't want to be middle aged and still suffering from an 'existential crisis'

Feels like when I do die I will be crawled up on the floor in the fetal possition, clutching my iPod and and waiting for a text message.

I hope my body just slowly turns into mist or something, I don't want to be stuck in a coffin, seems bleak.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Tiny Hamster Paw

I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a girl who doesn't like poetry
because then why would she think I was special? What else do I have going for me?
But I am not special I think, poetry isn't special to starving kids in those fucked countries.
And poets are all spoiled 20 somethings any way, hanging out at a 24 hour walmart wishing
they were at whole foods. 

I want to hold your hand. What if we both had tiny hamster paws with
human bodies, who else would I have to hold my hand/paw? with just yours it would be ok, I think. What if I was the only one with a tiny hamster paw and a human body? Would you still hold my hand/paw in public?

I want to scratch your face gently with whiskers and whisper into your ear something
only you would understand.

I am losing sight of the big picture. Like how this is all meaningless and we are all going to die and maybe I should just be worrying about getting rich or being successful. But I just want to walk around the city for a little bit and worry about whether or not its ok to call you.