I am seeking human validation through words I write.
Like me now.
I want to be a robot with an emotion knob. That way I could
choose when I want to be in 'existential despair'
There would be a self destruct switch and I would constantly
feel the impulse to use it
I am looking in the mirror and grinning. I can't help but not like my
I've been told my eyes are beautiful. I hate the brownness of them.
My eyes just seem needy to me.
Feels like my heart is codependent.
Sometime's it feels like my heart is thinking and it depresses me.
Nobody cares that you feel neglected.
Sometimes I feel the urge to buy a sandwhich from subways but then I think
its too complicated so I order chineese food instead and feel bad about
not eating healthy.
I also feel bad when I smoke cigarettes and drink soda.
It feels like I will have cancer soon, like I get really worried and google things and
feel like shit.
I hope that if I do end up dying miserable and alone it happens before I am thirty because
I don't want to be middle aged and still suffering from an 'existential crisis'
Feels like when I do die I will be crawled up on the floor in the fetal possition, clutching my iPod and and waiting for a text message.
I hope my body just slowly turns into mist or something, I don't want to be stuck in a coffin, seems bleak.