Saturday, November 19, 2011

Saturday the 19th or something.

Woke up thinking 'i should masturbate or something'
But felt neither the urge nor motivation to do it.
I brushed my teeth, showered and looked at myself
In the mirror feeling neither confident or handsome.
I splashed water on my already wet face and got dressed
Feeling neither 'good' or 'satisfied' with what i was wearing.

Outside i called my dad and he told me things that
Happened to him. Hung up and felt bad for a few
Seconds and walked to the train station.

Took the 6 to 14th Street.
I feared for my life a little bit as a black or
Hispanic man stared at me with fierce
Intensity. I averted my eyes and thought
'If i need to i can fuck that guy up'
I listened to rap with the intent of feeling
'Tough' in case i did have to fuck someone up.

I got off the train and went to the strand.
I watched 'trendy' people work.
I asked 'trendy' people for help.

I bought
shoplifting at american apparel by tao lin
Cognitive behavioral-therapy by tao lin
Nothing a portrait of insomnia by blake butler
and everything matters by ron currie jr

I left the strand feeling vaguely satisfied
And bought a knish.

I was thinking 'this is my life. Its not so bad'
Then felt very lonely upon re entry into the subway
Station. Listened to neva dinova on the train and
Watched people cram themselves into the train.
Saw agitated and nervous faces.

I'll probably go home, buy chinese food and watch
I saw the devil on netlix alone and try not to think
Or care about it.

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